


Unholy Matrimony

by slightly_murderous_sorcerer (emerald_witch_esmeralda)



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Discussion of Abortion, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit in later chapters, F/F, F/M, Forced Marriage, Minor OOC, Secret Relationship, Shotgun Wedding, Unplanned Pregnancy, more tags may be added as chapters are added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:33:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerald_witch_esmeralda/pseuds/slightly_murderous_sorcerer
Summary: Integra Hellsing always knew that some secrets are made to be buried. Basements for vampires, dirt pits for dead bodies, closets for skeletons. A lady is allowed her secrets...but some secrets aren’t meant to stay buried for long.
Relationships: Integra Hellsing/Enrico Maxwell, minor Tagaki Yumiko/Heinkel Wolfe
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

“Walter, is the doctor here yet?” Integra wasn’t at her office desk, instead she was in her bedroom lying down still in her full suit.  
“They should be here shortly, ma’am. Is there anything you need? Soup, a cigar?”  
“I doubt those things will fix this problem, old friend. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but it needs to get fixed so I can get back to what I need to do. It’s probably just a stomach bug, it’ll go away on its own.”  


  
“It’s been three months! Integra, you need to see someone about this...!”  
“I’m already having the doctor come here, what else do you want?!” Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted their conversation, Seras Victoria peering inside. “The doctor is here, Sir.”  
“I’ll go show him in.” With one last bow, Walter exited and left the two women alone.  


  
“Sir, you look like absolute shit.”  
“Why thank you Seras, I see Alucard’s charming abrasiveness has rubbed off on you.”  
“I’m just concerned is all.” She flopped down on the unoccupied side of Integra’s bed, turning to her. “You’ve been ill, you need to take better care of yourself.”  
“I probably just ate something foul, that’s all. Or perhaps it’s exhaustion.”  


  
Seras’ blank, unimpressed look said that she didn’t buy that excuse for a second, she’d come a long way from the timid little girl that Alucard had first turned that night. Her expression slowly twisted into a mischievous smirk, leaning in closer to Integra’s face. “What?”  
“Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the Italian stallion? When was the last time you spent the night with him?”  


  
The blonde actually looked slightly horrified at that terminology. “Alright, first of all...please never call him that in front of me ever again. If anything he’s more like a twink than a stallion.”  
“Twinks don’t fuck women. At least, they don’t usually.”  
“Second of all, how do you know...” Integra’s stare turned stony. “You read my thoughts, didn’t you?”  
“Well it’s not like I particularly meant to!” The vampire raises her hands in a gesture of peace. “It just kind of happened, I meant no harm!” Integra continued to glare at her friend before her face settled into its usual neutral expression. “I’m sorry. It’s just...I don’t want to think it’s that. Especially not with him. Do you know what a scandal it would be if it got out?!”  


  
“You know that nobody here would ever let the beans slip.” Seras reaches out to pat Integra’s shoulder. “But hey, it may not be so bad. Everybody’s been wondering when the Hellsing Organization would have an heir!”  
“Well everyone needs to wonder their way out of my ovaries, thank you very much.”  
“And if there’s an heir to both Hellsing and Iscariot, maybe all this mess will end. No more bloodshed, no more Catholic vs Protestant shit...”  
“It’s not going to be that easy, even if such a thing happened.” Her cheeks burned as she recalled her hated enemy whispering filthy promises in her ear, and when he _delivered_ on those promises. 

  
“The doctor, Miss.” Walter called from the other side of the door.  
“Come in!”  


  
“Hello, Sir Integra. I’m Dr. Irene Hamilton, how are you today?” _A woman doctor...that makes things a bit easier._  
“Unwell, Doctor. I don’t know the exact cause, but I can’t afford to be out of commission. My career requires me to have a large hand in business affairs, the longer I’m off my feet the worse it’ll be.” 

  
“Ah, I see. Well, I’m going to give you a check over to see what’s wrong with you. And then maybe figure out a way to fix it.”  
“God be praised. I don’t have the luxury of lounging about in bed all day.”  
“I’ve seen a lot of you type A types in my career, they neglect to take care of themselves. And they’re usually the first ones to die of cancer and stress related illnesses like heart attacks or strokes.”  


  
“I highly doubt I have _cancer_...”  
“Well, we just have to complete the examination and find out.” Irene turned to Walter, who was holding Integra’s hand loosely in his own. “If we may have some privacy, please...”  
“Walter and Seras stay.”  
The doctor’s brow furrowed, looking at Walter. “Ma’am, I may have to ask you to remove your clothing...”  
“Walter’s changed my diapers, trust me. It’ll be fine.”  
“Very well. If you insist.”  


  
* * * * * 

  
“When was your last menstrual cycle, Sir Integra?” Irene, a pleasant woman with red hair in a neat bun was examining an impatient Integra while Walter held her hand despite her insisting that she didn’t need such a thing anymore. She’d never tell him that it meant as much to her now as it did when she was a little girl.  
“Late October.”  
Walter bolted upright, his grip on Integra’s hand tightening. “What?! It’s January!”  


  
“Ignore him, sometimes they’re irregular. It’s nothing to be alarmed about.”  


  
“Mmmhm. For three months?” The doctor hummed, scribbling something down on her chart before rising from her stool. “Sir Integra, I’d like you to go into the bathroom and take these.” Irene reached into her bag and pulled out two blue boxes, Integra reached for one.  


  
“A pregnancy test?! This is absurd!”  


  
“We have to be sure, to rule it out. But all the signs do point to it...the weight gain, the lack of menstruation, the back cramps. The nausea, the stomach flu. It couldn’t hurt to check.”  


  
“Why two?”  
“To decrease the likelihood of a false positive. We can also take some blood and send it to the lab to confirm it if you want, but we just want to be sure.”  


  
“Fine, but that’s impossible.” Integra took the boxes and disappeared down the hall, while Walter and Seras were left alone with Irene. “Sir Integra is right, Doctor. I know you have a job to do, but such a thing _is_ impossible. She’s a virgin!” 

  
Seras glanced at the older man, chin propped up on her hands. _No she’s not...not anymore. Oh Walter. If only you knew._

  
* * * * * 

  
“I really think that somebody should go check on Sir Integra, I’m really concerned. She’s been gone for an hour...” just then, the door slammed open and smacked the expensive wood paneling in the walls. “Sir!” Seras walked over to her friend but froze once she saw the expression on Integra’s face. She was always stiff, she had to be. Showing weakness was never a luxury she could afford, even as a little girl but this stiffness was different. Unnatural, wrong...as if every nerve was on edge, as if she was preparing for battle or a retreat. 

  
“Her fight-or-flight response is screaming.” Irene said placidly. “Sir Integra, is there something the matter?”  
“You were right, Doctor.”  


  
“She was what?” Walter’s eyes met his master’s. “Sir, please explain.”  
“I’m...I’m pregnant. Both the tests are positive.” That one sentence sounded like it physically pained her to say, the doctor started packing her bag and looked at the tests that Integra was holding out.  
“Well...these tests generally work like the hospital ones, and they’d save you a lot of expenses. And considering you haven’t had your period in three months, I’d say it’s about ninety-nine percent likely that you’re right. However, I would like to keep tabs on your follow-up care.”  


  
“Thank you, Doctor Hamilton.”  


  
“Not a problem. Now since you’re in the end of your first trimester, I’d like you to schedule an appointment with me so we can see how everything is developing.” 

  
“Just bill me in the mail.” As the doctor gathered up her things, Walter called one of the servants to escort her out, watching as the door shut behind them.  
“Why didn’t _you_ escort her out, Walter?”  


  
“Because, Sir Integra...we need to talk. And I’d like to do it right now.”  
Seras and Walter’s stares would’ve been enough to make a lesser being drop dead, but from a woman who’s been through as much as she had, it didn’t bother her much. “Very well, say what you must.” 

  
The old man, no less deadly or nimble in battle despite his advanced years seemed to have his age catch up to him in a matter of seconds, all but collapsing into Integra’s desk chair. “You’re...pregnant.”  
“Yes, I believe the doctor just confirmed that.”  
“How is that even possible?! Sir Integra, I thought you were...!”  
“I’ve been keeping a secret from you, old friend. I would apologize, but I acted the way I felt was best at the time.”  


  
“When you were a little girl, you said we would have no secrets between us. You would tell me things you didn’t even tell your father, why was this any different?! Did you fear judgement? You know I’d never think any less of you...”  


  
“That wasn’t my concern. I just, I wanted to have a private life. Something all to myself, that’s all. I just never thought that it would end up like...that this would end up happening.” 

  
“I always wanted grandchildren.”  


  
“Not funny. This could not have come at a worse time! I’m...I’m head of an organization of elite vampire hunters, plus we have Millennium as well as the Vatican breathing down our necks! I can’t afford to be out of commission for that long!”  


  
“So what are you gonna do? Abort it?” Seras asked.  
“I certainly can’t keep it, Seras. Not like this...”  
“I just want to know who the man was that did this. Do you know, Sir?”  
“Walter! Are you assuming I’m some type of whore?!”  
“Not at all! It’s just, sometimes things happen when...”  
“I’m twenty-five, I know how sex works. I _know_ who the father is...and that’s part of the problem.” The last came out barely a whisper, Seras twitched in sympathy and Walter’s gray eyes darted in her direction. “Do you know as well, Miss Victoria?!”  


  
“She didn’t tell me, I read her thoughts.”  
“Who is it? Why would it be such a problem? Is the man dead, if he wishes to evade his responsibilities we can take care of that...”  


  
“You have to promise me that you will remain calm. Both of you.”  
“No...tell me it’s not Alucard!”  


  
Integra looked at him in disbelief. “Alucard?! Why in the world would it be him?! I’m not that daft...anyway, no. It isn’t Alucard. But I don’t think you’ll like the alternative.”  
“Just tell us who it is, Sir.”  
“It’s...Enrico Maxwell.”  



	2. Chapter 2

**Iscariot Headquarters: Vatican City**

  
Maxwell folded his hands together as he gave a once-over to two of his strongest operatives, sitting almost lazily in his chair.  
“Yumie, Heinkel. I need you to find something to use against Integra Hellsing. Rumors, files, anything. Just bring us ammunition.”  


  
“But why, Father Maxwell? I mean, we could’ve done this years ago...if we wanted to discredit her, why wait until now?” Heinkel had a hand on her pistol, while Yumiko peered at the both of them through her dark eyelashes. “Can’t we just kill her instead, Bishop?!”  


  
“Unfortunately no, not yet. If we were to just outright assassinate her, it could trigger a war with England. We’re still licking the wounds from our little run-in with Millennium, we are in no shape for large scale conflict. Plus, I’m under direct orders from His Holiness to acquire dirt on her. I don’t particularly know why, but anything that would hurt the Hellsing Organization shall certainly help us. Go to England, see what you can dig up. If you find anything, report to me.”  


  
“I doubt we’ll find anything of value, Integra Hellsing keeps her secrets locked tighter than her supposedly virgin cunt. She’s a heathen, not stupid.”  


  
“Watch your language in the house of God, Heinkel.”  
“Sorry, Dad.” she drawled sarcastically. “You know what? I’m going to ignore that, for now. Just do your jobs, a plane is waiting within the hour to take you to London.”  


  
“And _then_ we kill her, yes?”  


  
“Yumie!”  


  
“Sorry, sir! I won’t bring it up again!”  
“Good, now hurry up! We don’t have all day!” With that, he watched the hallway until the two women were out of sight, hands flying to his temples. Heinkel had a point, why wait until _now_ of all times to discredit their old enemy? What was the Pope playing at, exactly? From what he heard, things hadn’t been going particularly well for Integra or the Hellsing Organization lately. They’d been taking blow after blow, His Holiness probably wanted to put a final nail in the vampire coffin as it were.  


  
His thoughts turned back to Integra, and how she’d looked like shite three weeks ago. She’d been holding it together quite well, but Enrico had been trained from a young age to be a good reader of people. He almost felt bad about what he was going to do to her...but only almost. An order from the Most High was an order and it would be carried out, to strike down sinners no matter how beautiful they may be.  
Poor thing must be exhausted with only that old butler to turn to for her problems...small wonder she’d wanted to seek comfort, and he had stresses of his own that he wished to forget about. Hey, he was God’s soldier on earth but he was still a man. A man with needs, and enemy or not she was attractive and willing, even if it was hateful, lust driven and alcohol fueled. If she came to him, he wasn’t going to turn her away.  


  
***** 

  
“MAXWELL?! OF ALL THE MEN ON THIS PLANET, YOU FUCKED **MAXWELL?!**  
“Walter, lower your voice!”  
“If you wanted a discreet man to take care of your needs, I could’ve arranged it for you! But MAXWELL?! SIR INTEGRA, I’M HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! YOU’RE SMARTER THAN THAT, YOU KNOW BETTER! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!”  


  
Seras hummed, flipping through one of the books she plucked off the shelf.  
“Behind every psychopath is amazing sex. I don’t know what it is, but it’s true. They actually did a scientific study on that, you can look it up. Crazy people have the best sex.”  
“You can get good sex from anywhere!”  


  
“That, my friend is where you’re wrong. Good sex is hard to find.”  
Walter took a deep breath, running his hand over his face and turning back to his master. “Sir Integra, how did this whole... _thing_ begin?!”  


  
“Remember when I was overworking myself and you practically forced me to take a night off?”  
“I was concerned about your health, but yes.”  
“So I went to the bar you suggested, and I ran into Maxwell there. Apparently he’d been having professional problems and decided to deal with them by getting completely shitfaced.”  


  
“In the heart of enemy territory? That’s stupid, even for the Iscariots.”  
“I can’t read the man’s mind, I don’t know what was going through it. Anyway, Anderson came to look for him. We didn’t want a fight on our hands so we hid...together. Look, I can’t explain it. I had a lot to drink, and so did he. Somehow, someway...alcohol and lack of distance took over.” Integra moved to sit down on her bed. “That’s what happened, do with it what you will.”  


  
“You lost your virginity in a nightclub bathroom?”  
“Shut up, Seras. But yes, I did. And I lost it to the worst person imaginable.”  


  
“But the incident at the bar was so long ago, so you wouldn’t only be three months pregnant unless...” Walter breathed out slowly through his nose to steady his nerves. “This wasn’t only some drunk, one-time incident, was it? This has been...how long has this been going on exactly?”  
“Ever since that time in the nightclub, we’ve been meeting up ever since. Remember that meeting Hellsing and Iscariot had three weeks ago in the Ritz? We did it then, too.”  


  
“I’m going to be ill. Sir Integra, that’s...you went to the bar a year ago.”  
“You’ve been hooking up with Maxwell for a whole year?! And you managed to hide it from everybody?! I’m impressed.”  
“Neither Iscariot nor anybody else but you two know about this business, Maxwell and I had intended to keep it that way.”  


  
“Sir Integra, forgive me...but that doesn’t explain why you kept going back to him! I’ll understand one time, alcohol lowers inhibitions. But several times over the course of a year?! You know what type of man he is, are you in love with him or something?!”  
“Hell no, it‘s just sex. I’m just...fuck, I hate being speechless.”  


  
“Does he have a big dick? He’s got a big dick, doesn’t he?” Seras’ cheeky wink almost gave Walter a heart attack, the same Walter who faced vampires with no hesitation. “Are you all trying to kill me?!”  
“Hush Walter, you’ll be fine. Anyway sir, doesn’t he?”  
“What type of question is that?! But again, yes.” Integra grit out.”  


  
***** 

  
“Heinkel, why are we going to the hospital? I mean if we’re looking for dirt on Integra, shouldn’t we be checking her mansion?”  
“You just want to kill more guards...you have a point, but our sources in England confirmed that they saw a doctor leaving Integra Hellsing’s home two days ago. Why didn’t she just go to the hospital, why did the doctor come to her unless there’s something she’s trying to keep under wraps. Failing health maybe?”  


  
“Bishop Maxwell will be so disappointed, if she’s sick and dying then the Vatican won’t have a chance to destroy her before the disease does!”  
“Keep it down, we’re here.”  
“It’s dark, are they closed?”  
“No...I still see someone there, through the window. Must be working late.”  


  
“How are we going to get access to her records?”  
“Watch this.” Heinkel and Yumiko strode into the building and Heinkel’s eyes immediately locked on a woman doctor with red hair. “See, that’s the one who we saw leaving the Hellsing mansion. It’s our lucky night, Yumie.” The two of them up to Irene’s desk, making sure they kept their weapons out of sight.  
“Doctor?”  


  
“Hello! Is there anything I can help you ladies with, do you have an appointment?”  
“No, we are not here for ourselves. Do you have a file for a certain Integra Hellsing?”  
“I do, are you two next of kin of Miss Hellsing?”  
“Distant cousins. We heard she was ill, we just want to know what was wrong with her.”  


  
“I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t give patient information out unless she gives me permission to do so.”  
“But, we’re family!” Yumie tried to protest. Irene merely blinked at them. “Family or not, patient information is protected by law. I can’t give that information out to anyone unless specifically directed by them, and Miss Hellsing has told us specifically not to share that information with _anyone_.”  
As soon as she turned around, Irene heard a click and felt cold metal being pressed against her head. “Now, I don’t want to have to kill you...but we need those files. My boss needs them, we traveled a damn long way and I’m not leaving without them. So just be a good girl and get Integra Hellsing’s files for us, and I may consider letting you live.”  


  
Irene didn’t turn around, but took a deep breath and swallowed, pointing to a door on the other side of the hall. “That’s where patient records are kept on file.”  
“Good, then you’ll lead us there.”  


  
**** 

  
Rifling through the file cabinets, Yumiko pulled out the one she was looking for and read through it. “Heinkel, look at this! Looks like our virginal Protestant lady isn’t so virginal after all.”  
“Okay? But what does that have to do with...anything?”  
“You’ll see. I’m sure Bishop Maxwell will be quite pleased.”  
Heinkel peered over her girlfriend’s shoulder and scanned the line Yumie was pointing at, face twisting into a smirk. “Wunderbar. Thought I doubt it’ll be enough, it could be a start.”  


  
“What do we do about the doctor?” Both eyes turned to Irene, who had been bound to a nearby chair. She stared up at the two with frightened green eyes. “You said that you’d let me live if I cooperated.”  
“Nein, I said we’d _consider_ it.” Heinkel cocked her pistol right at Irene’s forehead. “Don’t take it personally, but my boss is a very demanding man. He hates it when loose ends are left lying around, and you know too much. I’m sorry, can’t m risk you blabbing to Integra about what happened here.” Her finger squeezed the trigger, and a loud bang echoed through the dark.  


  
***** 

  
“Well, what have you brought me?” Maxwell was at his desk instead of in bed, he had been waiting on the girls’ report from their mission. But he had to confess, he’d been damn near to falling asleep before the phone’s ringing woke him up.  
“The sow is pregnant.” Yumiko gave an amused snort as her fingers flew across the zipper of the bag she carried, placing the thick Manila folder inside. Maxwell nearly dropped his wine glass. “What?”  
“We stole Integra Hellsing’s medical records, looks like she got herself up the duff. She doesn’t have any record of having a husband, so it would be a bastard!”  


  
“Please, Yumie. It isn’t enough. There is nothing remarkable about a grown woman having sex.” Heinkel took the file back out and waved it around boredly. “This isn’t the sixties anymore, it doesn’t carry the stigma it once did. Plus Hellsing is a bastard child herself. But maybe it can still be useful.”  
“I...” Maxwell’s tongue seemed to stick to the roof of his mouth. Pregnant?! “I trust you left no witnesses?”  
“None, all loose ends are accounted for.” Yumie sounded as excited as a child in the candy store, Heinkel rolled her eyes in amusement and gave her a kiss. “You’d be so proud of us, Bishop!” Instead of an answer, they encountered silence. “Hey Bishop Maxwell, are you alright? Enrico?! Hey, answer me!” The phone dangled in Maxwell’s grip, his jaw slack and eyes glued to the wall in front of him. _She’s pregnant._ Integra Hellsing, infamous bitch from hell, the woman he despised the most in the world, Protestant heathen extraordinaire... _his **lover**_ was **pregnant**. Oh God.


	3. Chapter 3

“Sir Integra! Have you heard the news...” Walter came in to find his master, eyes glued to the television set and her mouth set in a hard line. “I’m guessing you’ve heard already.”  
“Someone has murdered my doctor, Walter.”  
“Maybe the attack on Dr. Hamilton was random?”  
“I see a doctor, find out I’m pregnant and three days later that same doctor is shot dead? I think not. Plus, the cabinets where patients’ files are kept was found open. The Iscariots had something to do with this, one way or another...my file was the one stolen, I know it.” She pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm her swelling headache. “That poor woman, I should’ve never dragged her into this.”  


  
“You couldn’t have known, Sir. None of us could’ve, that Maxwell would do something so depraved. They’re getting sloppy, leaving that cabinet open and not even bothering to hide the body.”  
“I mean it _is_ Maxwell we’re talking about. We should make some compensation to her family.”  
“I don’t think that wise, they’ll think you had a hand in the murder. But perhaps you could frame it as a donation instead if you really want to do it.”  


  
Suddenly, the door to Integra’s office flew open to reveal Seras still in her nightclothes. “Seras! Why did you enter without knocking, what’s going on?! Why are you acting like this, did something happen?  


  
“INTEGRA, BAD NEWS!” Seras’ strawberry blonde hair had come loose from her ponytail, her eyes wide.  
“I heard about what happened to Irene...”  
“No, ma’am. It’s not that, it’s...MASTER ALUCARD IS GONE!”  
“Gone! What do you mean, he’s “gone”?!  
“He’s not in his bedroom or anywhere in the mansion, I’ve searched for him all morning!”  


  
“He has no assignment, so where in the world could be possibly be...oh, _fuck!_ She bolted from her chair, immediately grabbing the phone. “This week just keeps getting better and better!”  


  
***** 

  
“OPEN THE DOORS MAXWELL, I JUST WANT TO TALK!”  
The doors of the Holy See were making such a racket, as if being battered by a violent wind. But it was calm outside, hadn’t rained in weeks...what was going on? Enrico Maxwell looked down from his bedroom window to see a red speck seemingly trying to batter down the Pope’s residence. Was he hallucinating? At this point, he honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he was. The bishop had slept poorly ever since he’d received...the news. And it turned his already unpredictable temper downright hostile, at lest according to Yumie and Heinkel. Even Alexander had remarked upon his “change in attitude.” He snorted, what in the world did they know? The guards would sort out...whatever that is, soon enough. Turning back to his bed, Maxwell whispered something under his breath and rubbed his eyes before the noise finally stopped.  
“God be praised, finally...” But his relief was short-lived when the gray walls started to swirl and ripple like water, a familiar wide-brimmed hat and psychotic, sharp-fanged expression was staring him in the face. “What the...Alucard?!”  


  
“Hello, Maxwell.” The vampire stepped fully through, pulling out his pistols and pointing them right at his target. Why was Hellsing’s pet vampire in his bedroom?! Why weren’t the guards killing this, this thing?! “Cazzo, must I do _everything_?! Why do you defile the steps to heaven with your unholy presence, creature?! Are you here on behalf of that Hellsing woman, does she dare attack us?!”  


  
“She doesn’t even know I’m here, I’m here on my own personal volition.” That crazed look in his flame-colored eyes seemed to become even more intensified as he drew closer. “I’ll even give you a shot at me before I turn you into Swiss cheese.”  
“Why are you here? Since Integra Hellsing apparently can’t control her subordinates.”  
“You got my master pregnant! And now you will answer to me! You think you can defile the honor of the Hellsing family and just expect me to let you live, you worm?”  


  
_So it was true._ The sinking feeling as if an invisible rock had fallen into the pit of his stomach started to go as quickly as he came when he took in Alucard’s features. Not his typical bloodlust or childish glee at killing enemies, but this was pure _rage_ on his face. Oh, this was **precious**. Maxwell’s face broke into a wide smirk, the monster was _jealous._ He had intruded on “his” territory, how sweet. “She’s an adult woman, I don’t believe you own her. If anything it would be the other way around, and of course such a woman would want a man, not a monster.”  


  
“You’re just as much of a monster as I am, and unlike you I don’t have to hide it.” The click of the pistols again. “So any last words before you die? Perhaps you’d like to call your Judas Priest, I’d absolutely love to see him. It’s been far too long since we’ve faced off.” Suddenly, a sharp, shrill ringing sound pierced into the room. “What the...?” To say Maxwell was thrown off guard would be an understatement, the vampire was ignoring him now?! Another ring, and a phone was pulled from the confines of his overcoat. “Sir Integra. My master.” The hint of reverence in this...beast’s voice always had Maxwell surprised, Integra Hellsing must’ve been something indeed if she was truly able to command the loyalty of such a creature.  


  
“You better have a damn good reason for why you’ve done when I heard you did.” Integra hissed over the phone. “I gave you no permission to leave the grounds, let alone go all the way to Italy!”  
“I’ve found him, Master Integra. The little priest that dared toy with your virtue.”  


  
“My virtue is none of your concern...though, I do appreciate the sentiment. Have you killed him?”  
“No, I was going to until I received your call.” Maxwell just stood and stared as if a distant observer. In any other normal circumstances, he would’ve called Anderson up here by now. But now, he was transfixed.  


  
“You are to return to England immediately. If you just go about traipsing through Iscariot headquarters and murdering their leader, we’ll have a war on our hands!”  


  
“Master Integra, let me kill him! He doesn’t deserve to live, not after...”  


  
“Alucard! You have your command, soldier. Come. Home. Right. Now.”  
A heavy pause fell over the lavishly decorated room before the vampire replied through gritted teeth. “As you wish, my master.”  
“Good. I expect you back by the end of the day.”  
With that, she hung up. “You’re lucky my master was here to save you, little man. But this isn’t over.”  


  
“Do you honestly think I’ll just let you walk right out of here, after threatening the head of the Iscariot Organization?”  
“Send all your guards, I’ll tear through them like wet paper.” Maxwell barely suppressed a shiver as those eyes seemed to burn through his very soul. “And Anderson? You’d be dead by the time it takes for him to get here. I’m going home.” With that, he disappeared through the walls again and was gone.  


  
“Gods dammit, Alucard!” Integra slammed down the phone. “I’m going to wring his undead neck when he gets back.”  


  
***** 

  
“Stephen.”  
“Yes, Bishop Maxwell? What is it?”  
“Have one of the jets prepared for me, I’m going to England tonight.”  
“So soon? And so suddenly? Whatever for, Excellency?”  
“Your job isn’t to question, it’s to do...understand?!”  
“Y...yes sir!”  
“Bene. I have urgent business over there that needs to be seen to immediately.”  


  
***** 

  
“When I get my hands on that vampire, I’ll...”  
“Phone for you, Sir Integra.” Walter held it out to her, looking almost nervous.  
“Is it Alucard again begging me to kill Maxwell?”  
“Actually ma’am, it _is_ Maxwell.”  
“What?!” Integra snatched up the phone, pressing it to her ear. “What do you want? If this is about Alucard, I didn’t send him...”  
“I didn’t call about your pet creature. I called for _you_ Sir Integra.”  


  
“What do you want, Maxwell?”  
“We need to talk, and we need to talk urgently. I’m on my way to England right now because I don’t think this is a conversation we should be having over the phone.”  
“What could we possibly have to talk about that isn’t vampires or Nazis?”  


  
“Come on, you’re more intelligent than this...you already know what I mean.” Integra’s breath hitched, her posture stiffening. “You killed that poor woman.”  
“I did not order that doctor dead. But perhaps if she’d complied, she would yet live.”  
“You’re a terrible fucking human being.”  
“Sí, sí. We’ve established this. I need to speak with you about some findings, findings that recently came to my attention.”  
“They weren’t ‘findings’, you _stole_ my private medical records. And they’re none of your concern.”  


  
“Actually, they _are_ my concern. They’re a great deal of my concern...unless they’re some other man’s concern?” Maxwell’s voice took on an edge not unlike Alucard’s when he’d first heard her be called a sow in that museum meeting. She merely shrugged. “And if they are?”  
“....I don’t buy it.” That sentence came out a near growl, and Integra snorted in amusement. “Either way, I’ll be there soon for our little chat.” With that, the call was ended. Integra chuckled behind her hand, something she rarely did. “What’s so amusing, ma’am?”  


  
“You should’ve heard how absolutely _pissed_ he sounded, Walter. That I had the gall to insinuate that he may not be the father.”  
“Is there another possible father?”  
“Unfortunately no, but he doesn’t have to know that. Of course it’s funny, he sounded like he was two seconds away from having an aneurysm. He was probably purple with fury.”  


  
“Can hardly blame him for that, ma’am.” Walter smirked. “I mean you’re a remarkable woman, of course any man would want you for himself and be reluctant to share you. However, it’s almost kind of cute. He sounds like he was jealous.”  
“Perhaps. But anyway, he’s not going to force me to meet with him. He can come here if he wants, this is my concern to deal with alone.”  



	4. Chapter 4

“It’s freezing cold out here, we could not have met in your house?” Maxwell wrapped his arms around himself as he shot Integra a glare from the other side of the park bench.  
“Absolutely not, I’m not going to let an Iscariot into my inner sanctum. You can say whatever you want to say out here.”  


  
“But you _have_ let an Iscariot into your inner sanctum, that’s the whole reason I’m here.”  
“Fuck you.”  
“You did that too, _belleza mia_...but if you’re offering.” A heavy silence fell between them. “Is it true then? Are you pregnant?”  
“That woman didn’t deserve to die, Maxwell.”  
“That doesn’t answer my question. You agreed to this meeting and you don’t wish to answer my questions?”  


  
“The only reason I “agreed” to this meeting is because you stood outside my house all night and wouldn’t leave, and I couldn’t risk an international incident by killing you.”  


  
“So, is it true?”  
“What do you think?” Integra spat. “You resorted to all this espionage, theft and _murder_ to find out my secrets, then you already know the truth and don’t really need me to tell you.”  
Maxwell’s hands flew up to massage his temples as if to relieve a building headache, his eyes looking up toward the moon. _”Dio in cielo, concedimi la forza._ People die every day, why are you so bothered by this one incident? If it bothers you that much, I’ll say a prayer for her.”  


  
“Because unlike you, I have a soul...and she was an innocent.”  
“Like Hellsing is sinless, how many innocent deaths have _you_ ordered, hm?”  
“I’ve only ordered deaths during wartime, when people were trying to murder me.”  
“Sí, whatever helps you to sleep at night. Anyway, so it is true. You’re...you’re pregnant.”  


  
“Unfortunately, yes.”  
“Is it mine?”  
“No, it’s fucking Walter’s. What do you think?!”  
“I was about to say, I’m surprised he can even get it up still. And didn’t he practically raise you? Wouldn’t it be incest, in a way?”  
“Did you really come here all the way from Rome just to annoy me, Maxwell?” 

  
“No. I came to confirm what was discovered, and...” For the first time since she’d met him, Enrico Maxwell seemed at an utter loss for words. He was absolutely speechless, and without the batshit crazy look in his eyes he almost seemed like a normal person.  
“This can’t get out, you know that right?”  
“Of course I know, it’d be a disaster.”  
“You won’t have to worry about it.” Integra said softly.  
“What do you mean?”  


  
“I’ve arranged an appointment to have this situation taken care of, Maxwell. Though I have to find a new doctor since you offed my old one.”  


  
“Hellsing, what do you mean by taken care of...” A look came into those violet eyes as the realization hit him. That same, slightly insane look he got whenever he was either angry or excited. Rage started to creep into his face, and he bolted up. “YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!”  


  
“I know your delicate Catholic sensibilities likes to tell women what to do with their bodies, but I don’t subscribe to that dogma.”  
“No! I refuse!”  


  
“Well what do you suggest we do about it then?!” Silence.  
“Exactly, there’s really no other option. Plus, I don’t want to be tied down to you for the rest of my life. I highly doubt you want it too, so unless there’s anything else you need to say, I’m going home.”  


  
“So, um...did you have sex with Walter?” Maxwell asked.  
“NO!” Taking a deep breath, Integra rose from the bench, tightening her suit jacket. “Goodbye, Maxwell.  
“No goodbye kiss, then?”  
“Goodbye kisses are for lovers, what’s between us is merely physical and always had been.”  


  
***** 

  
“Hello?”  
“Anderson! Alexander...I need to speak to you.”  
“Bishop Maxwell? Are ye okay, sir? Ye sound terrible.”  
“Please, call me Enrico. Just this once, I need not to be Bishop. Can I just be your son again, at least for right now? Will you hear my confession, Father?”  
“Whatever for?!”  
“I just need to get this off my chest! And you’re the only one I can trust with this.”  
A sigh. “Very well.”  


  
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was three months ago.”  
“What is yer sin, my son?”  
Maxwell let out a shaky breath, steeling his nerves. “I have committed the sin of lust with my body, and my mind.”  
A pause. “Um, Alexander?”  
“Sorry, I was just...shocked. And a bit disappointed, but we all err. Any man can be swayed by his passions from time to time. God is forgiving, Maxwell...when was the sin of lust committed?”  


  
“It started a year ago, and to my eternal shame it continued. Several times, I say it may have been hundreds of times. And now, there is a child involved.”  
“Bloody hell, Enrico.”  
“Only God can judge me. Anyway, I came to have a discussion with the lady in question...she plans to kill it.”  
“Do ye love ‘er?”  
“Absolutely not! There’s no love between us, but...Alexander, what do I do? It’s my child.“  


  
“Ye’re a man of God, Enrico. Ye know what ye must do.”  
“Are you out of your mind?!” he screeched. “We’d kill each other before we made it to the altar!”  


  
“Obviously she was good enough for ye to fornicate with, whoever she is. And you don’t want to turn your back on the child, do ye? Maxwell, remember what ye suffered...”  
“I never forget.”  


  
“Do ye even know if the bairn is yers?”  
“The girl...when we first lay together, she was a virgin.”  
“WHAT?! Maxwell, ye bloody _idiot_! Ye _have_ to marry her now! Remember...”  
“Yes, yes. Exodus 22:16, I’m very aware.”  


  
“So, is yer little tart in England? Yer assistant told me you’d flown there. Why go to that godless island if you’re so insistent on yer pleasures, ye could’ve picked up any woman off the streets of Rome...oh dear _Lord_.” Realization crept into Anderson’s voice. “Lad...tell me. Tell me it isn’t _her_.”  
“It...I can’t, Father. Because it _is_ her.”  


  
A long pause, longer than the last one had Maxwell nearly squirming with anticipation and worry. Finally, Anderson’s familiar brogue once again crept through the receiver. “Do you have a place to sleep?”  
“Yes, I booked a hotel.”  
“Go there, pray on this, get some sleep. Beg God for forgiveness, my boy...because ye’ve sewn the storm. Now we may all reap the whirlwind due to yer foolishness.”  


  
**** 

  
Integra hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, and in truth she did _not_ want to get out of bed this morning. But that wasn’t her way, her way was to power through until she couldn’t anymore. “Walter?”  
“Ma’am?”  
“Tell me I didn’t sleep in.”  
“Don’t worry, you’re fine. The meeting with Sir Penwood isn’t until later on tonight, plus I got you those pills you requested from the hospital.”  
“Thank you.”  


  
“Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this, Sir Integra?”  
“What choice do I really have?”  
“Very well. The doctor said that once you’ve taken them, you’ll have to call to keep them informed so they can monitor you in case any complications arise.”  


  
***** 

  
“Ah, Integra! Sir Shelby Penwood greeted his goddaughter with a warm hug, which she returned. “I would ask how my favorite girl is, but all I see is a grown woman standing before me.”  
“How are you, Shelby?”  
“I’ve been well, very well! But from what I’ve heard, you’ve been ill lately.”  
“Just some stomach troubles, nothing more.”  


  
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I will not betray you.” Penwood said gently. 

  
“Of course...but there are some things that I’d like to keep to myself.”  
“Fair enough. Anyway Integra, if you’re here to ask for another helicopter...”  
“Actually, no. I’m here to ask for stronger anti-vampire armour, if there’s anything we can do to reinforce protective gear. After the attack on my mansion, I want to make sure that my men’s equipment is up to date, I don’t want a repeat of those events.” Her voice carried a current of sadness, and Penwood slid his hand over hers. “That’s completely reasonable.”  


  
“But since you mentioned helicopters...” “ABSOLUTELY NOT! Woman, you already have four of them!”  
“This is entirely yours and Walter’s and my father’s fault, now I’m just terrifyingly good at getting what I want.” Integra grinned at him, she certainly looked a bit more...cheery now.  
“You’re _not_ getting another helicopter, Integra.”  
“Very well, it was worth a try. When can I expect those armaments?”  


  
“We can have the prototypes drawn up in about a month or two.”  
“Excellent. It was a pleasure meeting with you, would you like to stay for dinner?”  
“Oh no, I ate on the way here. But thank you, and make sure you take care of yourself. You’re still young, I’d hate to lose you.”  
“You take care of yourself as well, Shelby. Don’t be a stranger, call me any time.” With that, she gave him another hug and was off.  


  
“So...about that helicopter...?”  
“NO MORE HELICOPTERS!”  


  
***** 

  
“I’ve never been so glad to be back home.” After dealing with the Round Table, reports of Millennium, a couple of vampire attacks and the bane of her existence Maxwell refusing to leave her headspace, all Integra Hellsing wanted was some rest. “I’ve missed my bed.  


  
“That’s funny, I’ve missed your bed too. Though, I’ve never been in it...it looks soft though. Shall we test it out?” 

  
“Huh?!” Grasping for her sword, she switched on the light in her darkened bedroom to find an uninvited guest sitting in her desk chair like he belonged there. “Maxwell! What...how did you get into my house?” she hissed. “All entrances are under heavy guard!”  


  
“All except your windows, cara. You left one of them open to let fresh air in.”  
“How have my guards not spotted you?!”  
“Simple, I made a distraction at the front door. I would’ve killed them, but it would’ve drawn too much attention.”  
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t run you through right now.” She raised her sword to his neck.  
“International incident, remember?”  
“Breaking and entering, that flies out of the window.”  


  
She peered down and noticed the yellow plastic bottle in his hands. The same bottle that Walter had left on her nightstand this morning.  


  
“Give me back my pills.”  
“I think not. I did a quick google search and I learned what these two tiny pills are used for, you were just going to go through with the abortion anyway?!” 

  
“Yes! There’s no other avenue! And besides, I’m not ready to be a mother!”  
“Well, give me the child then!”  
“No chance in hell! Why, so you can raise my kid up to be a maniacal religious sociopath like you?! I wouldn’t trust you with a dog, let alone a human being!”  


  
“Look, let’s discuss this calmly.” Maxwell folded his hands in his lap, almost as if he’d forgotten there was a sword still pointed at him. “Lower your weapon.”  
“I would, but I’m afraid you may try to kill me.”  
“If I’d wanted to kill you, I’d have done it by now.”  


  
“If you try anything, all I have to do is yell and...”  
“Yes yes, Alucard will rip me to shreds. So, you thought you were just going to kill my child and get away with it?”  
“It’s not a child yet, it’s a clump of cells if anything.”  
“Dio mio, what is Protestantism _doing_ to you women?!” Maxwell actually looked horrified. “Anyway, we’re both in this mess together. We’ve made this bed.”  


  
“Bed, couch, floor, desk. Bathroom counter, did I miss anything?”  
The bishop let out a snort of amused laughter through his nose. “You’re not wrong for once, but you _did_ miss the foyer.”  
“Oh, I remember that.” Integra allowed herself a small smirk of her own.  


  
“Anyway, we’ve made this bed and now we have to fix it.”  
“That’s what I was going to do before you took my pills. Give them back so I can continue on with the fixing.”  


  
“I meant fixing it in a way that’s right in the eyes of God! We...we must marry.”  
He visibly deflated. Integra blinked. Didn’t speak, she couldn’t. Just. Blinked. “At least I got you to shut up and pay attention now.”  
“Are you serious?”  
“I am, as the kids say these days...dead-ass.”  


  
“My God, please never try to use modern slang ever again. Second of all... _what_?! How are you going to explain that to your friends at Iscariot?”  
“We will say that our organizations are joining forces to combat the greater Nazi and Vampire threat. Look, it’s like you said before. If anyone finds out you’re carrying the bastard child of your hated enemy, we are both ruined.”  


  
“Then give me the damn pills back! Give me the pills Maxwell, and I can make this whole thing go away.” Maxwell’s grip tightened on the plastic bottle.  
“The marriage will be more believable politically than you just having a random pregnancy.”  
“Why do you want this so badly?”  
“I’m a Catholic first...and I was born a bastard. I was spat upon for my birth, I swore that no child of mine would endure such a thing. So we’re getting married, even if I have to drag you to the chapel myself by your hair.”  
“Oh, he just threatened me! How romantic! Catholics don’t believe in divorce. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with you.”  


  
“We’re stuck together for the rest of our lives anyway.” Maxwell gestured at Integra’s still flat stomach.  


  
“I don’t love you.”  
“Well it’s not like you’re my favorite person either. But come on, you’ll get allies to assist you...”  
“Allies that have stabbed us in the back many times, figuratively _and_ literally.”  
“That’s all in the past.”  
“It happened three years ago!”  
“See? In the past. Look Hellsing, you’re not killing my child, I will not allow it. And if that means I’ll have to deal with you for eternity, so be it.”  
“You don’t have much of a say in the matter, I’m afraid. It’s my body. And if we tell our organizations of this little plan of yours, they’ll _riot_.”  


  
“We are their leaders, we have the final word. They’ll have to listen to us, despite any objections they may otherwise have. How many know of your pregnancy?”  


  
“Just Walter, Seras and Alucard. How many have you told?”  
“Anderson, Heinkel and Yumie. But they do not know I am the father, not yet..Alexander is the only one who knows that information. You will not be able to hide it forever, sooner or later you’ll start showing.”  


  
“You’ll never have to admit to being the father, so...”  
“Maybe I want my child. I’ve never had a family, and now that I have one...”  


  
“You’re going to keep dragging this out until one of us falters, aren’t you?”  
“You know me so well! I suppose we’re alike in that way. Plus, the Hellsing organization does need an heir. What do you have to lose?”  


  
“Let’s see. My freedom, my self-respect, time because I’ll be out of commission...possibly my life.”  
“Modern medicine makes that nearly impossible.”  
“Look Maxwell, I’m not marrying you.”  
“Oh, I have ways of convincing you to change your mind.” He stood up and walked around until he was behind her, fingers following the lines of her neck and shoulders. “We already have a thing going on, this way we can do it openly. Do we really need to ruin a good thing? Plus like I said, perhaps it can benefit both our organizations. Double the manpower, double the weaponry...think about it.”  
“You say that like you want to give me a choice.”  


  
“If you’re afraid, you don’t have to be. I’ll be a good husband.”  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“Believe what you wish.” She kept her eyes trained straight at the wall when he moved her jacket to drop a kiss on her throat. His hands were sliding up her sides, reaching for her buttons. “What are you doing, Maxwell?”  
“We’re in your bedroom, you’re stressed and you need to relieve it. Plus, you’re already pregnant so...why not? Imagine, we can do this every day.”  
She was not some swooning little girl, she wasn’t going to turn into an limp rag doll in his arms, she had far more brains than that. But, the pool of heat knotting in her stomach had other designs. “Damn you.”  


  
“We are both damned, my lovely. I’ve thought of little else but you these past weeks.”  


  
“What? The part where you kill me or...” She reached a hand around to undo the first button on his vest, and his grin was positively wolfish. Absolutely feral, with all teeth. “I know you get tired of sneaking around. So if we married...do you want to face the ridicule? Even if you do get an abortion, somebody can just steal your medical records again and put it out there. They’ll _know_. About the child, about our dirty little secret. I think the alternative is better, don’t you? It’ll save both our reputations and you keep your heir.” He tilted her head back so she was looking up at him, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Give in, my dear. This doesn’t have to be a chore.”  
“You are a sick, sick individual.”  
“And you love it.”  


  
“Maxwell...!” Just then, the door flew open to the clicking of a gun and two shadows. “Get your hands off of my master, or I’ll shoot them off.” The threat was accompanied by the sharp *zing* of razor wire.  
“Walter! Alucard!”  


  
“Are you alright, Sir Integra?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alucard and Walter stumble once again upon a battle between Iscariot and Hellsing, but not quite in the way they’re used to.

“Are you alright, Sir Integra?”  
“I’m perfectly adequate, Walter. Just ignore this little...display.” Integra waved her hand as if to somehow clear the now all too thick tension from the air.  


  
“Has he hurt you?!”  
“If he had, he’d have been a bloody smear on the carpet before you’d even arrived.” Moving herself out of Maxwell’s grip, Integra shook out her blonde mane and stood in the center of the room, looking curiously at the three men. Alucard looked murderous...well, even more murderous than usual.  


  
“My master...I can snap his neck if you prefer.”  
“And drink his blood?”  
“No, he’d give me indigestion.  


  
“For hell’s sake, put the weapons down, you two!” Integra had moved to go rifling through her desk drawer. “Maxwell was just leaving...”  
“Actually. I have come to propose marriage to your fair signorina.”  


  
“Wh...what?! Marriage?!”  
“She’s with child, I deflowered her so it’s my duty as a Christian man to wed her.”  


  
“You loathe her! She loathes you, you are our enemy!”  
“True enough, but I wouldn’t be able to call myself a man of God if I did not let this go unaddressed. I won’t let my...distaste for the situation get in the way of following the true church.”  


  
Alucard turned to Walter, who looked at him with a somewhat pitying expression and shrugged. “With child?”  
“I’m pregnant, Alucard. But you knew that already.” Integra’s voice had taken on a frustrated edge, now moving to another drawer.  
The vampire didn’t have his usual murderous expression, or even that psychotic glee that was ever present in him at all times. He looked like he’d...deflated a little. Almost hurt. Integra briefly glanced up and adjusted her glasses, her version of shifting uncomfortably, this felt _wrong_ He shouldn’t...well Alucard could look however he wished, but he shouldn’t look like _that_. Maxwell’s stony expression gave way to a lopsided smirk. “So it’s true then.”  


  
“You knew it was true. You knew enough that you went to the Iscariot Organization and tried to riddle Maxwell full of holes.”  
“He’s such a saint, he should be hole-y, right? I’m just doing my Christian duty.”  
Integra let out a very undignified snort of amusement. “You honestly don’t plan on marrying him, do you? Master, you can’t be even _considering_ this...”br/>

  
“I do believe that’s the lady’s decision.”  
“Hold your tongue before I rip it out, you piece of Italian shit!”  
“Hm...I thought you were the master and he was the servant, Integra. Was I mistaken?”  
“Do shut up Maxwell, or I’ll let Alucard make good on his threat and international incident be damned.”  


  
Now it was Alucard’s turn to look smug, but Integra gave him a scathing look. “And you cease this behavior at once, you’re acting like an overgrown child!”  


  
“What if the Iscariots, the Church find this out?” Walter leaned against the doorway. “You will be excommunicated, or at least put on trial.”  
“Hence the marriage.” Maxwell yawned dramatically behind his hands. “You rehash the same talking points over and over, it’s quite tiring at this point.”  
“I’d appreciate it if you _didn’t_ come into my house and insult my staff. Honestly, whoever taught you how to court a woman really bolloxed it up.”  
Walter chuckled. “I taught her that.”  
Alucard gave his old friend a slightly amused look. “Why does that not surprise me?”  


  
Maxwell gave a curt bow. “My deepest apologies.”  
“You’re not sorry at all.” Integra pursed her lips in annoyance.  
“You’re right, I’m really not. But like I mentioned before, if Hellsing or Iscariot finds out what’s been going on, we’re both ruined and you know it.”  


  
“I highly doubt that it’ll look any better if we were to just get married out of the blue, Maxwell. Peace treaty or no, alliance or no. These things don’t usually come suddenly, especially in our case. What, we just decided to all of a sudden play nice and the Pope or the Queen had no clue?”  


  
“Well we don’t have much time, you’ll start showing soon.”  
“I’ll get this taken care of...”  
“OVER MY DEAD BODY!” Maxwell screeched.  
“That can be arranged!” she snapped back. “Anyway, no man, especially you of all men don’t get to tell me what to do with my body. No man will ever try to control me again, you least of all!”  


  
“Did you all just lose all sense of God in England?! This is madness! But what did I expect from a Protestant cow...”  
“Again with the schoolyard insults, pick something different! You know, if this is your way of proposing it definitely needs work!”  


  
“Master, the little Catholic bastard doesn’t know about the finer arts of romancing a lady. I doubt he’s even seen a woman naked before you.” Maxwell stiffened, a very unsettling look starting to creep into his eyes. “ _What_ did you call me, **filth**?” His eye began to twitch, and Alucard looked triumphant. “I called you a Catholic _bastard_. Should I spell it out for you?”  


  
“Why you...!” Maxwell reached into his pocket, seemingly about to pull out some weapon...  
“ENOUGH!” A clattering and a loud thud seemed to freeze the time in the room. Integra glared at them, having slammed her fist on the desk to demand silence. “I’ve had enough of this piggish display! Men, honestly!” Her hands flew to her temples, starting to rub them.  


  
“You don’t have the right do do this, either one of you! _I_ am the one who makes decisions about my body and whom I choose to wed if anyone, and if _anybody _thinks they have the balls to try to take that choice away from me they will find themselves at the bottom of the Thames tied to a concrete block! Is. That. Clear?!”  
__

____

____

  
“Yes, Master.” Alucard gritted out.  
“Maxwell? Am I clear?”  
“Crystal.”  
“I honestly envy lesbians sometimes, they don’t have to put up with this testosterone fueled pissing match.” Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Integra turned back to the drawers she was rifling through. “Where the hell are they?” she muttered.  


  
“So about the wedding...I certainly don’t want to end up at the bottom of the Thames tied to a concrete block, so I’ll give you some time to think it over, of course.” Maxwell walked over, took Integra’s hand and kissed it, that smug smirk of his starting to return when he heard a sharp hissing of breath. “It will solve our problems in the long run, I know you’re a pragmatic woman. Farewell, Sir Integra. We will meet again.”  
“Unfortunately.” she said drily.  
“I’m not looking forward to it myself, but on the bright side...” she couldn’t suppress the small gasp she made when he grabbed her waist, resting his chin on her head. “Maybe I’ll get another opportunity to test out your bed. Uninterrupted, of course. “ He winked. The cheeky bastard had the gall to _wink_ Alucard’s nails dug into his palms, drawing blood.  


  
Integra shoved him away and finally straightened up from her desk, looking very put-out. “Alright, where the hell are my cigars?! I put them in this exact spot...”  
“Oh, those?” Maxwell waved his hand placidly. “Smoking is bad for the baby, so I threw them away before you’d arrived.”  


  
“You. Did. WHAT?!”  
“ _Somebody_ has to give a damn about the health of this child! Its own mother certainly doesn’t seem to!”  
“Those were expensive, you papist asswipe!”  
“So is chemotherapy! Honestly, you should be thanking me! I’m really doing you a huge favor here!”  
“MAXWELL! Give me my damn cigars!”  
“No!”  


  
“I thought you’d be happy to see me croak.”  
“I don’t give a shit about _you_ , it’s my child I’m concerned for! Plus if you die of lung cancer, I won’t be able to be the one to destroy Hellsing and that’s just unfair!” He glanced up at the clock, and his eyes widened. “Shit...well I guess I’d better be off now. Farewell, you miserable English sow.”  


  
“Goodbye, you degenerate warthog.” And just like that, Maxwell was out the exact same way he had come. “He could’ve at least closed the bloody window on the way out, letting a draft in here.” Integra walked over to it herself and snapped it shut. “I didn’t think the little man had it in him, climbing and swinging out of windows. Always seemed far too soft for that sort of thing.” She turned to Walter and Alucard, who were still standing in her room. “I thank you two for your prompt responses, at least I know I have loyal and efficient bodyguards.”  


  
“Of course sir, always.”  
“Very well. You are dismissed.” Both of the men turned away, preparing to leave. “Not you, Alucard! You stay.” When she heard the click of the door shut behind them, she turned to the vampire standing in the middle of the room.  


*****

  
“Master?”  
“I demand to know what that little temper tantrum was just now.  
“I don’t know what you mean.”  
“You know exactly what I mean! What’s that behavior around Maxwell?! I mean he’s a piece of shit, I get that but this isn’t some visceral reaction. You’re acting...strange.”  


  
“Master, he has no right to lay claim to you!”  
“And you do?!” Alucard looked as if he’d been slapped, icy blue eyes looking through him instead of at him as if he were in shadow form again. “You acted like a child deprived of its favorite toy, I’m not a thing and I belong to no one.” She added more quietly. “You would do to remember your place, servant. Now go, before I lose my patience.” She pretended not to notice flame-colored eyes boring into her back, determinedly not looking back at him. “Forgive my impertinence, I will go.”  


  
“See to it that you do.” And like a wisp on the wind, she was alone again. Damn him. Damn him, damn Maxwell and damn all other men for the time being! They were _such_ a headache! _I hope to God this baby isn’t a boy...I may end up killing it when it comes out of the womb._ Her hand went to her stomach unconsciously and she found herself thinking...would this child be a boy? What would they look like? Integra imagined a miniature copy of herself, blonde hair and dark skin...maybe with Maxwell’s unsettling violet eyes. No, they’d have blue eyes. Hopefully. She didn’t really want to imagine a miniature Maxwell, but she knew it was a possibility. Silver locks and an arrogant smile, the man was an arsehole but he wasn’t ugly. The child wouldn’t look like a swamp monster at least. They’d be beautiful, wouldn’t they? What would their favorite color be? What would they act like...like her. She’d make sure of it, no way in hell was this kid going to be stuck with _that_ personality. She was snapped out of her thoughts when the door creaked behind her.  


  
“Damn it Alucard, I told you....!” Integra then turned around to see who it was. “Oh, it’s just you Seras.”  
“Is everything alright up here, sir? Master didn’t look too happy when I passed him just now.”  
“Everything’s fine, he’s just being childish. Give him some time to cool off and he’ll be okay.” Integra smiled at her friend, a rare genuine smile. “Thanks for coming up here to check on me.”  
“Oh, of course! Any time!”  


  
***** 

  
“I can’t believe I let you in here.” Integra muttered, silvery locks of hair tickling her sides. She felt his smirk against her collarbone. “I almost can’t believe it either, but I will not complain.”  
“Fuck you, Maxwell.”  


  
“Isn’t that what’s happening right now? You women are so impatient.” He tightened his hold on her and she gave him an admonishing look even as she quickened her pace in his lap. Her skin was dark, but not dark enough to hide bruises, dammit. His firm grip on her hips, the way she straddled him, the steady, hard pace of him moving in and out of her body, it was like another part of her nightly routine at this point. Brush your teeth, take a shower, plait your hair, get dicked down by your archenemy...all in a day’s work. They kept their moans and cries muffled of course, no use waking the staff.  


  
“Stop!” Integra tugged at his hair, stilling him. “What is it?!”  
“I hear footsteps.”  
Maxwell saw something out of the corner of his eye, something black and shadowy. And...moving? A slow grin came to his face, but a hand gripping his chin snapped him out of whatever thoughts he had. “I’m down here, in case you’ve forgotten.”  


  
“I didn’t. There is something I’d like to try.” Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, he pulled out and moved away from her.  
“What...why did you stop?!”  
“Patience, carissima. You’ll enjoy this, I promise.” Placing a hand on her chest, he pushed her onto her back and let his hands wander to her hips.  
“Maxwell..”  
“Stay still.” Pausing briefly to suck a bruise into her neck, he slid down her body, pressing the occasional kiss or bite into her skin along the way. Long, pale fingers not covered in their characteristic white glove dipped down toward her center while his free hand nudged her legs apart. She tensed, but in anticipation instead of nervousness. He placed a quick kiss to the inside of her thigh before that silver head ducked between them. “ _Oh_ my God!”  


  
She could’ve sworn she heard him pause for all of five seconds to chide her for blasphemy but her mind was too far gone to give a fuck, it took every ounce of her rapidly disappearing willpower to not just mindlessly rock against his fingers and mouth as she tangled her own hand in his hair in a desperate attempt to keep herself grounded.  


  
***** 

  
Alucard normally preferred to move unnoticed through the halls of the mansion at night, but this time he couldn’t help but let his footsteps be heard. He just simply didn’t feel like putting forth the effort to turn into mist or even popping into Integra’s room just to fuck with her. He should do that, to get back at her for earlier...speaking of Integra, his ears perked up when he heard a sound coming from the direction of her bedroom. Was she in danger? Was there something wrong?  


  
Manifesting in front of her bedroom door, Alucard pressed his ear to it...that sound again. Was she in pain? A bit louder this time. No, that wasn’t pain. In fact, that was the very opposite of pain. Then...that was definitely a man’s voice. His cool skin started to go hot at the thought, at his newfound knowledge. She was in there, with _him_. And he was _touching_ her. How _dare_ he. The corner of his mouth lifted, baring his fangs with a growl. He was going to go in there and rip the Catholic swine’s guts out through his throat, maybe hang him with them. He’d definitely relish the screams, go downstairs and masturbate to them at another time....he’d take the heat from Integra later.  


  
“Alucard...”  
“WHAT?!” Burning points of flame shone bright and angry through the black, before narrowing. “Oh...Walter, it’s just you.”  
“Do get a hold of yourself. What crawled up _your_ arse and died?”  
“I’m fine.” The vampire’s tone of voice told that he was absolutely _not_ fine but he didn’t elaborate. Instead he glared hatefully at the darkness swallowing the hallway before blending in with the shadows, only the slight movement and play of the near-nonexistent light gave him away. Walter sighed, this was very unlike him. “Sir Integra’s right, you’re being childish.”  


  
“Don’t tell me you can’t hear it! How can she bear to let him touch her?! I don’t understand...”  
“Hear wha...” Walter’s face looked very much like the time a twelve year old Integra had first asked him about how periods worked. “Maxwell is here?”  
“Like a bad smell.”  
“And he’s with Sir Integra right now. And they’re...” He swayed a little bit before looking to the writhing mass of shadows. “Where?” He demanded sharply.  
“In her bed.”  
“No, I mean where do you disappear to when you blend in to the walls like that? Because I demand you take me with you.”  



End file.
